The heiress to a billionaire’s property was his beautiful daughter. When this daughter grew up, her beauty and wealth gained her a lot of suitors, who all wanted to marry her. The daughter did not like anyone in particular, so she came up with a unique way to choose her future husband. She gathered all the suitors near a swimming pool, and declared she would marry the one who could swim to the other side of the pool fastest. The only catch was the pool was full of hungry crocodiles!

As soon as the beautiful heiress announced this, a young man jumped into the pool, and before the crocodiles could get to him, swam to the other side of the pool. The beautiful heiress was ecstatic. She ran over to the young man and declared, ‘You’re my hero! I have waited for someone like you all my life! You are the one I’ll marry!’

The young man abruptly pushed the beautiful heiress away , and said, “Who is the s…*$%# who pushed me into the pool? Wait till I get my hands on him!”

This joke has an interesting lesson to teach. If only the young man in the joke could have kept his cool, he could have got the proverbial princess with half the kingdom. Instead, he let his anger get the better of him.

We don’t want to cheat our way to winning the hands of rich heiresses. However, we have all done stupid things, and lost opportunities, in anger. When we get angry we lose our ability to think calmly. Most of the time we think of how to get back at the person we are angry at - rather than what is best for us. This is why we say, if you get angry, you lose.

The Costs of Anger

Psychological

When we are angry, we say or do things that we would never say or do in our normal state. Sometimes the victims of our outbursts get over what we had said or done, but we cannot get over the regret or embarrassment.

Researchers say harbouring anger for long periods can cause mental diseases such as apathy and depression. They say depression is anger turned inwards. If you harbour anger for long periods of time it will suck all the joy out of you.

Physical

Research shows that whether expressed or unexpressed, anger causes a lot of damage to our health.

When we get angry, some physiological changes take place within us. Our heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rates increase. Neurotransmitters such as catecholamine and hormones such as adrenaline and nor adrenaline are released, resulting in a state of arousal. The body temperature increases and perspiration takes place to bring the body back to normal temperature.

Our muscles get tense and more blood flows into our limbs in preparation for physical action. Collectively, these changes are called the fight or flight response.

Researchers have found out that frequent anger (and consequently the frequent elicitation of the fight or flight response) cause a wide range of chronic diseases including insomnia, hypertension, diabetes, asthma, ulcer, stroke, heart attack, epilepsy, IBS, migraine, back pain, lung disease and even cancer.

For example, one study shows men with poor anger management skills are more likely to suffer a heart attack before the age of 55 than their more emotionally controlled peers. Another study indicates that how hostile and irritable an adult male is predicts his risk of heart disease more accurately than other risk factors including cholesterol, alcohol intake, cigarette smoking, and being overweight.

Research has also shown that anger suppresses immune functions, slows down the rate of healing and decreases longevity. Consistent, prolonged levels of anger give a person a five times greater chance of dying before age 50.

Relationships 

Anger destroys relationships more than any other emotion. Family members are guarded and less relaxed around people who get angry frequently, angry people thus have less intimacy in their relationships. They also have fewer friends.

Success

Thirteen hundred years ago, Hazrat Ali (as), the fourth of the Islamic Caliphs, said that one should never do four things when one is angry:

• Make decisions
• Make pledges
• Render punishment
• Issue commands

 Modern science is beginning to prove the wisdom of his advice. Jennifer Lerner of the Harvard Decision Science Laboratory found that when people are angry, they feel that they don't need more information before taking decisions, under perceive risks, think simplistically, and attribute causality to individuals rather than situation. When we are angry, our attention narrows and locks on the target of our anger. This often means we are so consumed with thoughts of getting back at the person we are angry with that we fail to consider what impact our actions will have on us. Think of the guy in the story. Or think of Zinedine Zidane’s famous head butt in the 2006 World Cup football final, or Mike Tyson biting Evander Holyfield’s ear. If we look at our own lives, we will find that we have all done stupid things, and lost opportunities due to anger.

Anger may also cause impaired neurological function leading to lack of concentration and memory. And as mentioned before, anger and resentment harbored for a long time may cause fatigue, apathy and depression. All these lead to worse performance and work and less success in life.

Spiritual

Spiritual progress is impossible without the ability to control your anger. Every major religion stresses the importance of controlling anger.

The Buddha had said, The true hero is the one who can control his own emotions.

Jesus Christ was one asked, “What thing is difficult?” He said,: “God’s Wrath. Prophet Ihya then said: What thing takes near the wrath of God?” He said, Anger.

The prophet said, ‘A real hero is not a person who defeats his adversary by wrestle, but he who controls himself at the time of anger.’

Does Anger Ever Really Serve any Purpose?

Many of us believe that some degree of anger is necessary for functioning in the world or that our anger is justified, even warranted. Let’s look at some of the common causes of anger, and see whether getting angry improves or worsens the situation.

Possible reason No.1: When someone misbehaves with us: If we get angry, it only puts the relationship on a downhill spiral. But if I don’t get angry in return, there is a much greater likelihood that the person who has misbehaved will repent.

Possible reason No. 2: If someone cheats: Rather than get angry, if we learn the lesson and learn to be more careful in the future, it will bring greater benefit to our life.

Possible reason No.3: If an injustice is perpetrated, if we are not rewarded justly for our hard work: In most cases, protesting, especially protesting alone, is useless. It is the course of action taken by the weak. The strong and wise thing to do is to wait till you gain enough strength to correct the injustice being perpetrated.

Possible reason No.4: If we are not rewarded justly for our hard work: In most cases if we look deeply into why we are not being rewarded, we will find that it is due to our own short comings.

Possible reason No.5: If someone mocks at our weaknesses: Why give him the pleasure of seeing he can control your emotions? Instead of getting angry, laugh.

Possible reason No.6: If we are under work stress: We must all have noticed that getting angry in these situations decreases the quality of our work and delays its completion even more. When you are able to express your gratitude to God even under these circumstances, you will find that you are able to complete your work easily and smoothly.

Possible reason No.8: If we fear losing power or authority: If we look at history, we will find that the ones who can stay calm in all situations can retain power or authority the longest.

Possible reason No.9: If someone refuses us: Just as we have the right to propose, others have the right to refuse. It is better to respect this right, and not to take refusals personally.

Possible reason No.10: If someone refuses to accept a logical statement or argument: Getting angry will not improve the situation in any way. It is best to convince him with compassion.
Is it Really Possible to Not Get Angry?

The Buddha had approached the last days of his life. A cunning man had an idea. He thought, ‘the Buddha will not live much longer. If I can spend some time with him and learn some techniques then as soon as he dies I will declare myself his reincarnation. Then I will not have to work hard any more. – I will be able to survive easily on other people’s donations.’

He started behaving like a devoted disciple and take care all the Buddha’s needs. Buddha understood what was going on, but did not say anything. Two years passed, and finally the disciple realized that he had not gained spiritual powers; because it is not possible to gain spiritual powers without true devotion. So the cunning disciple became livid! He decided to take revenge on the Buddha.

One morning, the Buddha was sitting alone. The disciple thought, “This is my chance,” and went and slandered the Buddha as badly as he could. He called him all the names that came to his mind. The Buddha kept his mouth shut. He just listened patiently. At last, when the deceitful disciple paused for a bit, Buddha opened his mouth. He said,“Can I ask you something?’ The disciple was still very angry. He angrily said, ‘Ask what you want to ask.’ The Buddha said, “Say you want to give something that is yours to someone. If he doesn’t take it, who will have it?” The agitated disciple replied, “You can’t understand this simple thing? This is easy. If I want to give something that is mine to someone and he doesn’t take it, it will be left with me.” The Buddha asked again, “So if you want to give someone something but he doesn’t accept it it will be yours?” The deceitful disciple said, “Yes, I will have the things.” Then the Buddha said, “Then I don’t accept any of the slander you just gave me.”

 
How To Get Rid of Anger

1) Change your attitude about anger:

If you are truly convinced that if you get angry, you’ll lose, you will find that you are able to control your anger. Here are a few techniques that might help you in this regard.

• Stick the 'rege gelen to here gelen' (anger means defeat) sticker in highly visible places.
• If you have the chance, video tape yourself with your cell phone when you are angry or ask a friend to do so. Notice how animal like you look when you are angry. This might serve as the wake up call you need.
• Repeat the auto suggestion, 'An angry man goes from hero to zero, over and over again in the meditative level, or when you have some opportunity during the day.

2) Find out the reason of your anger:

Underlying our anger is usually some sort of core hurt: feeling unimportant, disregarded, accused, devalued, guilty, untrustworthy, rejected, powerless, unlovable etc. The more your sense of self worth and well being is dependent on other people, the more you easily you will get angry.

The Buddha did not get angry at the disciple because his sense of self worth was independent of other people's opinion. And he had the insight to realize that the disciples behavior had more to do with his own disappointment than the Buddha.

You can be that way too, if you build up your confidence. You can use the 'Negative Thoughts' meditation to root out your negative thoughts about yourself, then use the Hold Your Head High meditation to strengthen your confidence. In addition, you can use positive auto suggestions and affirmations whenever you have time or during any meditation.

3) Seek professional help if necessary:

Anger can be the result of some psychological problem and may require professional intervention. This is especially true if you are prone to sudden violent outbursts. In such cases practice Shithilaion ( relaxation) and seek professional help.

4) Meditate: 

Research shows that when there is a decrease the serotonin flow in the brain we tend to get angry more often. Research also shows that serotonin flow increases in regular meditators. When we meditate, alpha waves start flowing in our brain and makes us feel calm and peaceful. In that state, we can see past our hurt or anger and see the whole picture. It is easier to forgive. Meditation also brings to surface repressed or hidden anger and resentment and frees us from their grip. When you think deeply at the meditative level, you will be able to realize the truth of 'An angry man goes from hero to zero'. Quantum Method has also specific meditations on 'Anger' and 'Resentment'. Practice these meditations for three months in a row and you will find you are a transformed person.